Buried by Bureaucracy: The Day the System Declared Me Dead
Living is easy — until the government decides you’re not.
“Dead? I'm standing right here!” barked Harold Price, banging his cane against the SSA counter.
The clerk barely looked up. “System says you're deceased.”
Harold slapped down his driver’s license, a crumpled grocery receipt, and a half-eaten sandwich.
“I bought this five minutes ago,” he snapped. “Pretty lively for a corpse, don’t you think?”
Behind the desk, Pam sighed. Another DOGE casualty.
“We’ll need three to four weeks to… resurrect you,” she said flatly.
Harold’s stomach twisted; the pension payments were cut off, bank accounts locked, and the pharmacy refused to refill the heart medication — all because some tech bro couldn't sort a spreadsheet.
“At this rate,” he growled, “I'll actually be dead before you idiots finish your paperwork.”
Four weeks later, still very much alive but furious, Harold mailed DOGE a photo of himself flipping them off, with the caption:
“Guess who’s still breathing?”
Real headlines that vaguely resemble today’s fiction:
https://www.newsweek.com/social-security-recipients-accidentally-deleted-doge-2064092
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025/apr/25/social-security-disruption-musk-doge
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